my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
