He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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