Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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