My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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