she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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