So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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