Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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