I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
