I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
