The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize