I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
