Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
