she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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