i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
