haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
