That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
