I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
