I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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