It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
