just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He did a backflip because drugs
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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