That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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