I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
