I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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