He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
