I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
