If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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