There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
