were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
