Duck Duck Cougar?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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