yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
