The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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