Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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