Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm eating all of the evidence.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
