He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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