i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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