I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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