I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
