it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
