i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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