Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
