i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
