I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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