I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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