every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
