The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
