Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
