Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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