I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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