yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
