we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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