She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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