do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
