you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
