we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
