At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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