It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
