I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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