sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
