my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
