So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
