I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
