I'm sorry my penis didn't work
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
