The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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