so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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