so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
