he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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