Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize