he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
This baby is an asshole
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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