Best friends brother. Beat that.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
