Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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