D3 body, D1 cock
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
