3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
