Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
