If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
