Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
