It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
