i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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