A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
this will be a night to untag.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
