Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
where am i from again
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
