well you can't waste a boner
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
